Things overheard from a dating "guru"...

Compared to the magoo we were listening to,
this guy looks as charming as George Clooney. 

The other day, my sister (author Laurie London) and I were in a Seattle coffee shop to write. We’d just gotten settled in when a man nabbed the big table behind us—apparently, he was some sort of dating guru and his class would be meeting there shortly. He was a total magoo—well dressed and well spoken, but somewhat smarmy. Used-car-salesman kind of smarmy.

Laurie and I both had earphones on, but one of my earbuds wasn’t working, so I was hearing snippets from the dating class. I started writing down what I heard and sharing them with Laurie, then she started listening, too. Pretty soon, we weren’t writing but listening and “learning” LOL. Poor Laurie was facing the group, and she was trying really hard not to laugh at times. Luckily, I was turned away, because some of the comments were so cringe-worthy, I had to cover my face.

 

Anyway, I thought you guys might get a kick out of what we overheard. The italic comments are my thoughts.

Women will dance more sexually and provocatively on the dance floor when in the fertile time of their menstrual cycle. Ladies, do any of you have any questions about your menstrual cycle? Yes, Dating Dude, I’d rather ask you than my doctor.

 

Feeling relaxed and secure around your date promotes a positive sexual experience.

Women want to feel like girls. Men want to feel like men.  Did we warp back to the 1950s?

If the guy's a little fake, it's okay to be a little fake, too. And if the guy’s a little fake, you want to keep hanging out with him...why?

If you want a guy, stand right next to him and make eye contact with him. Bump against him. Many times if that’s what it takes to get his attention. Then he demonstrated. If some strange man did that to me, I’d have kicked him in the balls. Or called 911.

Think of the guy you're attracted to as a gorilla. And you want to be his mate. He will sense that. Wait. Aren't gorillas known for their tiny penises?

I've been hard too many times. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth...

I practice on people I have absolutely no attraction to. Oh, that’s nice. You’re telling this to a group of shy, introverted people who are already hesitant to put themselves “out there”? Now, they’ll probably remember these words the next time someone shows interest in them. Way to go, Dating Dude.

I want girls who can make me relax. And girls want a guy who’s not a complete douche bag.

If a guy looks like he’s done it a million times, he probably has. You can really tell that a guy has done it a lot just by looking at him? Gosh. I had no idea.

If a guy asks you for your number, he doesn't necessarily want it. Again, way to make these shy people even more hesitant.

If you want to know if a guy or girl is approachable, you need to study their eyebrows. Okay, let’s look at each other’s eyebrows now. No, I’d rather not, but thanks for asking.

FRIDAY FIRSTS with Laurie London

First five sentences of...

Enchanted By Blood
from the anthology A Vampire for Christmas

“So who are you planning to kill?”

Trace Westfalen didn’t glance over at the sound of his friend’s voice. Instead, he shoved his phone into an inner pocket of his suit, strode to the wet bar in the corner of the conference room and poured himself a straight shot of Jack. Without waiting for his fangs to retract, he drained it in one swallow.

“I wish,” he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “That would improve my mood substantially.”

(Becky here: Okay, so that's six sentences, but I liked that sixth one... )

Laurie will give away a signed copy of her book to one lucky commenter this weekend! We will draw a name on Sunday.

FUN FIRST QUESTIONS ABOUT LAURIE

Q: What was the first Rated R movie you saw?

My first R rated movie was Saturday Night Fever. I saw it with a bunch of my horse-riding friends and our instructor. But the one I remember the most was seeing Body Heat with my dad. OMG, I was mortified watching all those sex scenes with him right next to me.

Q: What was the first romance novel you read?

I don’t remember the title or many of the details, only that I loved it! It was a Harlequin (I think) and the cover had a woman wearing a beautiful, flowing purple dress and the man had an unbuttoned, ruffled white shirt. He was a pirate ship captain who was secretly an aristocrat, and she was a woman who’d stowed aboard his ship. My sister (yes, Becky, you!) thinks I got it from my boyfriend’s mom, but I think a shirttail relative who lived with us for a couple of weeks left it at our house a few years earlier. (I was 15 when I was “going with” that boy, but I think I started reading romance before that.) Every month, Becky and I would buy several romances and swap them. I liked the daring ones about pirates and women in danger, while Becky liked family stories.  It’s funny, because our reading tastes are the same as they were back then.

Q: What’s the first thing you do when you start reading a new book?

I’m pretty methodical when I’m considering reading a new book. First, the cover and title need to catch my eye either online or in the bookstore. An uninspiring title is a turn off to me. Next, I read the back cover blurb to see if it sounds interesting. Then I read the first page of the book and then a random page inside to see if I like the writer’s style. And finally, I read the dedication and acknowledgments to see what the author has to say in his/her own voice. In fact, my love for reading this often overlooked part a book prompted me to create a weekly feature on my blog called Thank You Thursday, where authors talk about their book’s dedications and acknowledgments.

LINKS:
You can buy A Vampire For Christmas at Amazon, B&N, most online bookstores and on the shelves of your favorite stores.

www.LaurieLondonBooks.com

www.facebook.com/LaurieLondonAuthor

www.twitter.com/LaurieBLondon

www.laurielondon.tumblr.com

About Laurie: A graduate of Western Washington University with a BA in Business Administration and a former tester/programmer for a Fortune 500 company, Laurie London writes from her home near Seattle where she lives with her husband and two children.

When not writing, she can be found running, reading, or riding and showing her horse. Someday she hopes to qualify for the Quarter Horse World Show – that is, if her horse doesn’t get hurt again.